Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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