it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
