Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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