She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
