Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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