is wine microwaveable?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize
