OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
