one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize