Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Randomize
