you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize