Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
