She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
