Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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