I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
