I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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