what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
