dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
