when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
smell my finger.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
