I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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