i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
