Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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