i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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