My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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