Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
