I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
