he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
