I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
