Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
There's always time for handjobs
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
