Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
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