Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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