Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
