If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
