Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Also, beer. Big fan.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
