This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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