I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
