My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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