well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
wow bdsm is so cute
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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