people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Randomize
