Can Purell be used as lube?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Randomize
