YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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