I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
