Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
