I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
