So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
