My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
