I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
