Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
