Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
