I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Randomize
