I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize