Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
