he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
