Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
