cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
