so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
soo... how was my night?
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