Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I want to be your penis for a week.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
