i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
