Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
