Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
