Ambien. No doubt about it.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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