Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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