When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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