well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
You are a genius and a whore.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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