The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize