I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I don't deserve a penis
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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