I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
