So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
