at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize